This is Rob's story:
One night, he had under his care (but not far enough under.......), this old coot who wouldn't use his call-light, for assistance to the bedside commode. So, in the middle of the night, the oldster got out of bed and sat upon his commode, and had the diarrhea from Dover. Who knows, maybe some fool doctor had ordered Kaexalate Q6, or something like that.
Anyway, when Rob went to assist Mr. Old, who couldn't wipe his own butt (probably would have keeled over in the process), this is what happened (brace yourself)::::::::::::::::
The old dude had sat directly on the commode bucket; he had raised the cover and the seat simultaneously, and sat down. No doubt, he was in a frickin hurry or something, or couldn't see sh*t!
So, when Mr. Old stood up for the butt wipe, the stinking bucket stuck to his butt and lifted up into the air. Not for long, however; it unstuck itself and crashed to the floor, ejecting the bucket contents upon Rob's lower extremities. Holy Sh*t, Sherlock!
Soon after that, Rob took an Administrative position, and never looked back.